{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org\/","@type":"BlogPosting","@id":"https:\/\/recruiterready.com\/get-unstuck-developing-mindfulness\/#BlogPosting","mainEntityOfPage":"https:\/\/recruiterready.com\/get-unstuck-developing-mindfulness\/","headline":"Get Unstuck By Developing Mindfulness","name":"Get Unstuck By Developing Mindfulness","description":"This content was originally published on the blog of Leadership Coach Timothy Thomas PCC. Even smart people sometimes need to “get unstuck.” Part of my coaching practice is\u00a0helping\u00a0clients to move behavior from the \u201cautomatic\u201d to the \u201caware\u201d parts of their brains. There is plenty of\u00a0scientific research supporting\u00a0the neurological basis of our behavior. We can, indeed, […]","datePublished":"2016-08-27","dateModified":"2023-01-19","author":{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/recruiterready.com\/author\/timothy-thomas\/#Person","name":"TimothyThomas","url":"https:\/\/recruiterready.com\/author\/timothy-thomas\/","identifier":1,"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/61b946fe5aba06f5baa67d9522820bc555eb3087bb84b0d7a68c98e974ec047d?s=96&d=mm&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/61b946fe5aba06f5baa67d9522820bc555eb3087bb84b0d7a68c98e974ec047d?s=96&d=mm&r=g","height":96,"width":96}},"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Timothy Thomas - Coaching Technology Group","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/recruiterready.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/CTG-logo-horizontal-schema-friendly.png","url":"https:\/\/recruiterready.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/01\/CTG-logo-horizontal-schema-friendly.png","width":600,"height":60}},"image":{"@type":"ImageObject","@id":"https:\/\/recruiterready.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/Get-Unstuck.png","url":"https:\/\/recruiterready.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/Get-Unstuck.png","height":"224","width":"276"},"url":"https:\/\/recruiterready.com\/get-unstuck-developing-mindfulness\/","about":["Coaching","Neuro Linguistic Programming"],"wordCount":1161,"articleBody":"This content was originally published on the blog of Leadership Coach Timothy Thomas PCC.Even smart people sometimes need to “get unstuck.”Part of my coaching practice is\u00a0helping\u00a0clients to move behavior from the \u201cautomatic\u201d to the \u201caware\u201d parts of their brains. There is plenty of\u00a0scientific research supporting\u00a0the neurological basis of our behavior. We can, indeed, make choices that change our thinking and thus alter\u00a0the structure of our brains.Change happens when there are two forces at work \u2013 a pull toward a new way of being and a push away from the old way of being. If a client is not positioned with both a push and a pull, changes are unlikely to last.Get Unstuck: Conscious Versus Unconscious ChoiceIf you are unable to recognize your own bothersome behavior when it is happening, then you are operating\u00a0at the unconscious level of awareness. To change your circumstances we first have to guide you into a safe, conscious awareness of your behavioral choices. If that sounds scary, don\u2019t worry, it is natural to be afraid to learn about or admit to\u00a0behavior in ourselves we don\u2019t like. That same system in our brains that keeps\u00a0it hidden from our awareness is instinctually motivated to protect our sense of self.To get unstuck we might have to separate ideas that are competing for our attention in the same mental spaceWhat Is Happening Here?If you have\u00a0an internal conflict, it is like\u00a0having two computer files where the desktop icons are stacked one over the other. There could be stacks\u00a0of these \u201cfiles\u201d on your \u201cdesktop\u201d\u00a0offering\u00a0unclear or conflicting information.When you\u00a0click a \u201cfile\u201d with your metaphorical mouse, it is difficult\u00a0to determine which \u201cfile\u201d has been selected. Since it is unclear what is going to happen, nothing happens, or worse, the \u201cwrong\u201d thing happens \u2013 a behavior you don\u2019t wish to express.We can\u00a0separate conflicting\u00a0ideas using coaching conversation. Once the ideas are separated you can clearly choose which \u201cfile,\u201d or behavior, you want to use.You Are Totally NormalHumans have amazing brains that can fantasize, daydream, think in the abstract, solve imaginary problems, and synthesize and create tools. This is how we are separated from other animals. Because we have such amazing ability to hold a paradox in our own minds \u2013 contradictory beliefs \u2013 we run the risk of being \u201cstuck\u201d between competing ideas.We can believe we are a \u201cgo-getter\u201d yet only pursue goals that have no tangible rewards. We can want to do an activity and not want to do an activity simultaneously. These paradoxes are a sign of a healthy mind. It just demonstrates that a healthy mind can also become confused by conflicting beliefs or desires.How Does This Relate To Coaching?When we are in a coaching session, I pay\u00a0special attention to the client and where they seem \u00a0\u201cstuck in paradox.\u201d Often\u00a0they are coming to be coached because they know a change is desirable, yet \u201csomething\u201d is holding them back.First, there is\u00a0particular attention to the surface level communication \u2013 body language, voice tonality, and use of metaphors. Those are the basic skills anyone can expect from a practitioner in a \u201clistening profession.\u201dWhile exploring behavioral paradoxes there are clues that come from the unconscious that either support or refute what is being communicated on the surface.How to Work with Behavioral ParadoxThe first phase is to determine actual desire for change. What are the motives for change being brought up by the client and do any of those motives reveal a dimension of paradox?Change happens when there are two forces at work \u2013 a pull toward a new way of being and a push away from the old way of being. If a client is not positioned with both a push and a pull, changes are unlikely to last.I like to share a paraphrased version of a story told by one of the great therapists,\u00a0Dr. Milton Erickson. The full story appears in the Collected Papers of Dr. Milton Erickson, Volume 3, and is actually about a stubborn calf, however I think we can all relate to the stereotype of a stubborn donkey for the purpose of this blog post. It is excerpted in the Wikipedia page about Dr. Erickson as well.The gist of the story: A farmer is attempting to pull a stubborn donkey into his barn. Young Milton, who grew up on a farm, sees the farmer struggling to force the donkey to budge. The scene is funny and it makes Milton laugh out loud (much to the irritation of the frustrated farmer).Milton offers to help the farmer, and carefully ties a rope to the donkey’s tail. They both pull at the same time and now the donkey HAS to choose, so it goes the direction it knows the most about – forward. The important part is the donkey was no longer simply\u00a0resisting change. Once it knew there were two ways to go (or two ways to resist) it had to\u00a0choose\u00a0one.When you want to get unstuck from a stubborn paradoxical (or oppositional) thought \u2013 the desire for change must be accompanied by a dis-incentive for staying still. Not choosing is a hidden choice.A Technique For Sorting Beliefs To Prepare For ChangeA\u00a0valuable NLP visualization technique is imagining\u00a0that same computer desktop we described\u00a0earlier with a magical mouse that can click stacks of material and separate them out over the surface of the desktop. Each concept (or “file”) is\u00a0examined then sorted into the correct location. The first step to getting unstuck is revealing ideas\u00a0mixed in with concepts headed in the opposite\u00a0direction from your goals.This must be done permissively. I use the phrase \u201cChange is Permitted\u201d as part of the preparation for the exercise. This sets the stage for the subconscious allowing\u00a0change to happen because it is “authoritatively permitted” by an imaginary sanctioning body (in this case an agreement between client and coach).Once the client has separated out all of the stacked \u201cdocuments\u201d and sorted them, the oppositional beliefs will be apparent. We will move them to a new location to save for a future\u00a0behavioral choice (or put in the trash to \u201cdelete\u201d later as they are \u201ctaking up space\u201d and are not useful). Place the “trash bin” on a \u201ctimer\u201d that throws out unwanted behaviors when\u00a0not used\u00a0within a few days or weeks.It is critically important that you, the client, are doing the work. It unveils where unconscious conflict is preventing growth.Does this sound like you? Coaching can help.Want to get unstuck? \u00a0Contact me today to schedule a complementary 20 minute conversation. Coaching could be the answer you\u00a0are\u00a0looking for. With coaching we determine\u00a0where you are headed rather than\u00a0where you have been. Move to the future and get unstuck with the help of a coach.    "}